we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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