Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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