The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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