ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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