Dual....:-)
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there's paper in my vomit.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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