Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
