The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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