Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize