Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
