So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
