This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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