My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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