The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize