plz talk dirty to me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
