Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
