mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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