you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
