god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
