I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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