Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's paint friendship bongs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
