got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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