I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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