I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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