Where is the hickey?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
