A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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