$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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