It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize