Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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