I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
