He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
