I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
