Dude my mom stole all your condoms
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
