fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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