i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize