You can't special order awesome
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
