This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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