I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
