we're blogging at a bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
