Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
