I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
