id be glad to
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
