I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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