I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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