How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
did i just pee glitter
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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