Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
