3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Found the puke drawer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize