Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
