Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
