Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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