I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
