Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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