his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hippo gnu deer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
