There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
