I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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