Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
