if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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