Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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