It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize