He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We left the knife in your bed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
