It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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