He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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