I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
