today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
