i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Found your dick twin last night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize