i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
whose parrot is this?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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