it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize