you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
