Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
