you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
