I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
